The 21st February 2020
Today has been very productive and as I finish for the day and reflect on the week. It’s been a complicated one.
Caroline Flack’s suicide provoked a number of conversations about the edge of living and dying. How grateful people are to have what they have and about the ripple affects of such a tragedy. The warning signs that may be there and the often impossible situation of trying to support someone in that place.
A place not unfamiliar to me, bullies are never aware at the time of the mental pain they cause someone. That often stays with them for years and years after. Their legacy that they imprint onto the mind’s of people left long after they have grown up and moved away from such demoralising behaviour. Yet the person is still attending to the ‘wounds of the words’ (I feel a new group coming on).
Caroline reminds us of those wounds and for many it feels un-bareable to go there, yet if we dare for just a second perhaps we might gain a different perspective of our own life lived.
In the middle of the week I noticed that the daffodils were out as if they had snuck out without warning in the middle of the night. Their heads being thrown sideways by the relentless winds. For many people they’re the first sign of Spring (a new way of feeling) and then I wondered about the people cut of by water and how that must impact them, their families and neighbours. I am a water lover a keen kayaker and open water swimmer yet there is something that feels very different about the water that might greet me on my doorstep and stretch out in front of me covering roads, train tracks, paths and playing fields.
The end of my week has been incredibly productive. My website has doubled in size and I have a few little things to adjust and dates to finalise and then I can go on to other tasks. If I was at school now I am sure I would be diagnosed with ADHD my brain is like the cookie monster from Sesame Street. It needs feeding, always has done and that has been a great thing, once I mastered the way it works and a curse; leading to low mood and depression.
That is now in the past and as long as I keep feeding my brain with all sorts of things, working and producing – not forgetting consuming then my brain will happily function well. The most important part of that is my leisure activities and listening to my body.
My body is telling me I need to sign off now. My mind however, is saying carry on writing. I acknowledge that creativity and then take a deep head to toe breath before signing off and heading home.
Whatever you are doing this weekend, be kind to yourself. I will leave you with a smile.
This is Albie’s story.